Mark's Quotes Page

I don't want to throw a server out the window and see what happens. I want to throw Steve Trougott out the window and see what happens.
- Adam Moskowitz, 12/4/05

I define a startup as a company that's not around anymore.
- Steve Trougott, 8/27/05

When you've been with someone long enough, you learn to understand them, even when they have a toothbrush in their mouth.
- Rachel Rich, 7/4/05

If you're not willing to sound stupid, you don't deserve to be in love.
- Amanda Peet. "A Lot Like Love"

Don't count the things you do; do the things that count.
- school sign in Fayetteville, NC, 7/1/05

19:40 <allbery_b> nah.  csh itself is evil; csh scripts are just victims :)

Nobody should be on call while they or someone married to them is in labor.
- Jill Lundquist, 6/28/05

If you've got your whole team thinking it's possible, you're not doing research; you're doing development.
- Burt Rutan (SpaceShipOne designer), 6/9/05

There's no data structure on this earth that doesn't have a flags element.
- Kirk McKusick, 3/17/05

23:17 * cat-xeger mutters to herself about losing her dereferences
23:18 <cat-xeger> (and then tries putting that to the tune of 'losing my
   religion')
23:47 <wnl> "That's * in the corner.    That's * in the state-ment.  Losing
   my dereference."
23:47 <wnl> Oh no I've typed too much.
23:47 <wnl> I haven't typed enough.
23:48 <wnl> I thought that i heard compiling.    i thought that i heard you
   run.
23:48 <wnl> i think i thought i saw you core.

I showed it to him, and the nerd equivalent of dollar signs lit up in his eyes.
- Dave O'Connor, 12/15/04

20:10 <cat-xeger> ... although I'm unfortunately half-brained right now, with
   OOP clinging like a demented squid to the squalid remains of my
   sleep-resistant brain

21:12 <seano> it has been many moons since my browser has darkened the door of
   feep.net

If you're a UNIX user, all UNIX are pretty much the same. If you're a UNIX programmer, all UNIX are a little bit different. If you're a UNIX system admin, all UNIX are completely different! That's comming from ULTRIX, AIX, HP-UX, Solaris, and Digital UNIX experiences. Might as well count linux, too.
- Bob Koehler, Hubble Space Telescope Payload Flight Software Team

Bob: When you first started to work here, you had to beat off dinosaurs to get to your office!
Jon: Bob, I may be warped, but I have never beat off a dinosaur.
- Booth and Roma, 5/7/04

Personally, I think - between New Yorkers and Chicagoans - religion and politics are safer topics than pizza and architecture.
- Kate Altman, 4/27/04

Rach: Bad Mark, no biscuit! Oh, wait, you're not a dog, so that doesn't work.
Me: You don't have to be a dog to eat biscuits. People eat biscuits, too.
Rach: Depends on the kind of biscuit.
Me: And the kind of people.
- Rachel Rich and me, 2/21/04

Rach: You listen here, you needle!
Me: I don't think needles have ears.
Rach: No, it only has one eye.
- Rachel Rich, 1/20/04, having trouble sewing

I can't stop you from thinking what you want to think, and you can't stop me from thinking what I want to think. It's all a matter of perspective.
- Rachel Rich, 12/14/03

It's the Mt. Rushmore of delis.
- Kate Altman, 12/13/03, about the 2nd Avenue Deli in NYC

11:29 <SmooveB> it's lightweight!
11:29 <SmooveB> much like SMTP is simple.
11:29 <SmooveB> and TFTP is trivial.
11:29 <SmooveB> any protocol that puts an adjective as the first letter of its
   acronym I don't trust

11:05 <wnl> i asked my 8 ball what it thought of microsoft products, and its
   response was "outlook not so good"

21:58 <CmdrKuehn> BlackIsis:  white flag's out!
21:59 <BlackIsis> CmdrKuehn: Who surrendered?
21:59 <CmdrKuehn> the flag guy.  he got tired.
21:59 <CmdrKuehn> luckily, there was only one lap left, so he stuck it out for
   the checkered.

It's not about communing with God, it's about communing with my mother.
- anonymous, 8/26/03, about attending a religious service

23:05 *** SIGNOFF: dparter!~dparter@66-188-134-250.mad.wi.charter.com (Read
   error: Connection reset by peer)
23:05 <iBillings> damn you, peer!
23:06 <iBillings> why do you keep disconnecting people?

It's like eating a reall good dish sponge.
- Kate Altman, 7/5/03, about Rachel's lemon cake (it was meant as a compliment)

Why are you an invalid event?
- Melissa Woo, 6/6/03, while trying to enter Jim Pirzyk's birthday into her PDA

Jim: So it's kind of like a field engineer?
Alex: No, it's kind of like rent-a-geek.
- Jim Pirzyk and Alex Breen, 5/22/03, about CITES' Onsite Consulting program

12:05 <collision> you know, it's funny - i've tried so hard to keep my work
   and personal mail seperate, but there are still some things that straddle
   the boundary in odd ways
12:06 <TanAdept> "Wanna go fuck in the server room?"

<adamm> Whenever I bite into a York Peppermint Patty I feel the blast of
   freezing cold air of a well-built machine room tushing through my hair. :-)

<Pickaxe> liking coconut is very polar, sorta like liking lindquist

Jim: At Disney, employees are called "cast members" and customers are called "guests".
Jon: Yeah, like we're all called "research programmers".
- Jim Pirzyk and Jon Marks, 4/15/03

That's why I like working with IBM products. They do everything right, so you can't use it with anything else.
- Jon Marks (about standards deviation), 4/15/03

<meekay> Are the cool people using qmail now? =)
<Pickaxe> cool people use postfix. masochists use qmail

With your personality, there is no risk of going postal. You're more likely to go "Fed Ex"!
- Allan Tuchman (about me), 3/29/03

Me: (something about "Randy and the MOG")
Allan: That sounds like a great name for a rock band.
- me and Allan Tuchman, 3/17/03

Me: When's the last time a post-it note crashed?
Maiko: Unless the glue wears off. Then they're just `-it' notes.
Keith: That's known as the `glue screen of death'.
- me, Maiko Covington, and Keith Wessel, 3/11/03

MASSMAIL is Nancy Cantor's blog.
- Tim Skirvin on uiuc.general, 3/6/03

You need a Ph.D. in gibberish to understand that!
- Mona Heath, 3/3/03

<yohan> GNU patch. For open-source cigarette smokers!

<CrazyG> yeh... he's asking if it's worth the effor to port, if there
   was going to be a 'public beta' of BONE...
<SmooveB> when the hell is there going to be a public BONE release?
<SmooveB> it's been like what, two years now?
<SmooveB> a couple drunk grad students at berkeley wrote a netstack with
   no reference implementation (well they had the BBN code but it sucked) in
   less time.

<larold> if perl is the unix swiss army knife, then emacs is the Unix Meijer store

What? She's not reverse-registered? I'm not talking to her any more.
- Warner Brigham, 2/28/01

Me: "Everybody around here is very busy."
Mona: "Well, not everyone, but you don't want those people serving on committees."
Me: "Yeah, but I don't even consider them ``people''."
- me and Mona Heath (very toungue-in-cheek), 11/15/00

Anon1: "Under the category of senior manager most likely to go postal..."
Anon2: "I'll take CommEng for 50, Alex!"
- two anonymous co-workers, 11/15/00

Mona: "The job title [for a Documentation position] is ``HyperMedia Communicator''."
Jon: "Maybe that means they talk on chat rooms."
- Mona Heath and Jon Marks, 11/13/00

Foertsch is scarier than IRIX?
- Andrew Reynolds, 9/8/00

Most of the meetings she schedules are in the past!
- Mona Heath, 8/18/00, about Meeting Maker hosage

Why are we being vibrated?
- Melissa Woo, 8/8/00

Jess: "If you keep talking through it, no one will know it's happening."
Jon: "What's happening?"
- Jessica Warth and Jon Marks, 4/29/00

People will generate their own troubles to be shot.
- Mona Heath, 4/3/00

So if I was a goldfish in a previous life, does that mean someone's on the toilet?
- Amber Marks, 2/27/00, about a chill meaning someone walked over your grave

<kerberos> "WHAT... is your name?"
<kerberos> "WHAT... is your quest?"
<kerberos> "WHAT... is the bit transfer speed of an unladen T3?"
<kerberos> "What do you mean? Upload or download?"
<kerberos> "I don't know that!"   *boing*

Nipples rule!
- Jay Kreibich, 1/13/00

I like to document my orgasms.
- Jon Roma, 12/3/99

<lemson> 98 has puny networking compared to nt
<seano> yes it is a pile of crap, I agree.
<lemson> it's perfectly adequate for my mom
<seano> moms don't need loopback devices
<seano> even choosy moms.
<[Ender]> Do choosy moms still choose .gif?  Or have they gone .png too?

"Who do you want to be today?"
- Warner Brigham, 11/3/99, about dorm residents using SAMBA to masquerade as the primary NT domain controller to collect users' passwords

Me/Kate/Brian: You hate this game, Uday.
Uday: I do?
Me/Kate/Brian: Yes.
Uday: What game is it?
Me/Kate/Brian: Oh Hell.
Uday: Oh hell...I hate this game!
- 7/30/99

I went into Barnes and Noble to look for a book on A.D.D., but I got bored and left.
- Benjy Feen, 7/22/99 (as reported by Paul Watts)

        Actor DeForest Kelley Dead at 79
        LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Actor DeForest Kelley, who played crusty Dr.
Leonard ``Bones'' McCoy on ``Star Trek,'' died today. He was 79.
Kelley died after an extended illness, said the Motion Picture and
Television Country Home and Hospital. ``He represented humanity and
it fitted him well,'' said Leonard Nimoy, who played Mr. Spock on
the science fiction series. ``He was a decent, loving, caring
partner and will be deeply missed.''

Happiness is only a reboot away.
- Sean O'Connor, 6/9/99, about the option of backing off the ux6 upgrade in case of trouble

Although high general intelligence is common among hackers, it is not the sine qua non one might expect. Another trait is probably even more important: the ability to mentally absorb, retain, and reference large amounts of `meaningless' detail, trusting to later experience to give it context and meaning. A person of merely average analytical intelligence who has this trait can become an effective hacker, but a creative genius who lacks it will swiftly find himself outdistanced by people who routinely upload the contents of thick reference manuals into their brains.
- The New Hacker Dictionary, Appendix B, "Personality Characteristics" (editted by Eric S. Raymond)

1994-95's fad behavioral disease was a syndrome called Attention Deficit Disorder, supposedly characterized by (among other things) a combination of short attention span with an ability to `hyperfocus' imaginatively on interesting tasks. There are grounds for questioning whether ADD actually exists, and if it does whether it is really a `disease' rather than an extreme of a normal genetic variation like having freckles or being able to taste DPT; but it is certainly true that many hacker traits coincide with major indicators for ADD, and probably true that ADD boosters would find a far higher rate of clinical ADD among hackers than the supposedly mainstream-normal 10%.
- The New Hacker Dictionary, Appendix B, "Weaknesses of the Hacker Personality" (editted by Eric S. Raymond)

* collision casts himself to a struct sockaddr * and passes himself to
   connect()
<sTanAdept> Hmmph!  You give a struct some data and it thinks it's got
   methods!

<Bohr> K-Y2K Jelly
<Bohr> For when you'd like 4 digits to fit where only 2 did before

Windows 95/NT - 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition.
- http://www.ugu.com/

<lemson> whoa, the grateful dead has GPL'd their live performances
<sTanAdept> lem: Do they mandate that the sheet music is included with
   every audio recording?

It was the '40s. They didn't have the Internet.
- Jay Kreibich, 4/2/99, about the 24-hour delay between the Japanese attack on Pearle Harbor and Congress declaring war on Japan

Here, let me turn to give you better access.
- Sara Shockley, 3/27/99

You do that better with two hands.
- Larry Schroff, 3/27/99

gypsie~>ls /usr/local/encap/rpm-2.5.1/
bin      include  lib      man      share

Me: I have this theory that Mona improves your quality of life.
G.P.: Yeah. Mona and AIX.
- 3/5/99

<collision> Except for the recent crunch, which should mostly be over,
   my load has been asymptoticly approaching 1.0, but never quite reaching it.
<collision> Which is, IMHO, the ideal situation.
<whoops> my geekdar just exploded

I didn't know S&M was in CS173!
- Jessica Warth, 1/29/99

<[Ender]> "My mail spool sucks thirty-seven megs!"  "In a row?"  "After
   I defrag, sure."

for a in {1..255} ; do
  for b in {1..255} ; do
    for c in {1..255} ; do
      for d in {1..255} ; do
        imap_hack $a.$b.$c.$d
      done
    done
  done
done

I think I have alsheimers or my brain isn't thread safe or something
- Keith Garner on #uiuc, 11/5/98, about why he keeps mixing up words

Strategic screwing is always important.
- Larry Schroff, 10/17/98

Hmmm...I've never heard anything being called "crippled" because it couldn't run OpenVMS. Blessed, touched by the mighty hand of God, and enchanted might be better words for such systems. :)
- Mike Khalili on uiuc.sw.linux, 10/15/98

I've always wanted to be able to spin a disk down while I'm naked
- Larry Schroff (statsboy) on #uiuc, 10/13/98

I just think that my entire role in [redesigning the WSG webpages] could have been replaced with one regular expression.
- G.P. Musameci, 10/12/98

We'll have an Admin All-Star Game and rebuild the Cluster...
- Mark Ashton, 9/28/98, about past admins helping to rebuild the ACM Cluster

At a fundamental level, there's no difference between a computer and a
typewriter, or a set of woodworking tools.  They're all devices that allow
you to accomplish certain tasks more quickly, provided that you've put in a
decent amount of time to learn them.  Some tools are harder to learn than
others; some tools save you more time than others.

What distinguishes technically-minded people from others is simply a
willingness to invest that time in the hope that your daily tasks will become
less cumbersome -- nothing more, nothing less.

"Pin the tail on the cluster."
- Larry Schroff, 9/16/98, about plugging in random network cables to cluster machines

<airpump> quality time in the machine room w/ booth
<lemson> better than quality time in a booth with a machine

<Lion_Blue> i have learned that whenever someone says "people" in quotes, they always mean mike gardner.
- Charley Kline on #uiuc, 8/27/98

NCSA bought them. It's part of their Education and Outreach thing, where they buy machines for people and then abandon them.
- Mona Heath, 8/21/98

DAMN IT TO THE LOWEST DEPTHS OF AN NT SCENTED HELL
- Mark Notarus (spruance) on #uiuc, 8/13/98

I'm just like Mary Poppins.
- Jessica Warth, 8/6/98, explaining why she puts up with me

My acronym expansion system is offline because it's Monday.
- G.P. Musumeci, 7/20/98

Why couldn't the user type "Error - interface too obscure" and then sit smugly while the computer struggled to issue the correct information?
- http://www.etext.org/Zines/InterText/v1n4/scratch.html

You can't play with a null pointer.
- Keith Garner, 5/16/98, about someone stealing his SO when he's single

White Castle makes you shit lillypads.
- Jon Roma, 5/15/98

12:40 [Ark!~kgarner@mrslate.str.com] single threaded dating is where its at
12:41 [Ark!~kgarner@mrslate.str.com] too many race conditions with
  multithreaded dating

you wouldn't believe how many girls I picked up by telilng them I ran uxa
- David Lemson (lemson) on #uiuc 5/12/98

Let me once again state "Steve Jobs has his hand on the flusher of the toilet that apple is floating in"
- Keith Garner (Ark) on #uiuc 5/12/98, about the confusion over whether or not Apple dropped Rhapsody

A girl was on a train headed from New York to San Fransisco. In order to get there, she needed to solve this proof...
- Mark Notarus 5/9/98, on why there are no word problems in advanced mathematics

Anonymous 1: "It's really hard to hate your officemate and like him at the same time."
Anonymous 2: "Yeah, I know."
- Names withheld to protect the guilty, 5/8/98

Israel seems to be a very popular country in which to have sex.
- David Lemson on uiuc.test 5/7/98

Those vi weenies with their modal paintball guns are TOAST.
- Brian Swetland 5/6/98, about a vi vs emacs paintball tournament
Those emacs freaks will go down before they've even loaded...
- Tim Skirvin 5/7/98, in response to the above

You can poke it through and take it with the other hand.
- Kris Salmons about Jenga, 5/2/98

Look, he can't perform. He's flatulently impotent!
- Matt Williams, 4/28/98

<meekay> you did it wrong
<meekay> 'tada' involves not speaking for a long time, saying something
  that you think is fairly witty, getting flamed for it, and then fading back
  into lurking
<mrw> so it's not just annoying, it's a state of mind?
<meekay> mrw tada

Oh I get it, an operating system only has to remain stable when users
perform common everyday operations, and not necessarily when they try
something unusual.

Thanks for clearing that up.

Fight for your right to free gefilte-fish ! RAB is salmon out of water in attempting to coopt the people's chosen leader in boxed, processed, and pureed kosher foods ! The Manischewitz Liberation People's Front demands the immediate surrender of all Kosher-for-Passover foodstuffs or we will call for a public demonstration against this junk-bond-financed, New-York conspiracy ! We are not against using even more exclaimation marks in our future notices ! Do not tempt us !! Call Douglas Brown at the number below or your local congresswomen to register your distrust of R.A.B. Enterprises and their nefarious distribution plans.
- Richard Martinoff, 4/18/98, satirically commenting on the acquisition of Manischevitz by R.A.B. Enterprises

Me: The wonderful thing about Linux boxes-
g0ff: ...is that I'm the only one?
- Me and g0ff, 4/14/98

You are, I hope, going to get some as a result?
- Matt Williams, 4/6/98, upon hearing that Jess and I were going to a Brooks N' Dunn concert

20:54 <Satyr> Do, I use, to buy my beer
20:54 <Satyr> Ray, the guy who sells me beer
20:54 <Satyr> Me, the guy who drinks my beer
20:55 <Satyr> fa, a long long way to the john'
20:55 <Satyr> so...Ill have another beer
20:55 <Satyr> la....another beer
20:55 <Satyr> ti, no thanks, ill have a beer
20:55 <Satyr> which bring us back to *OUCH**

to prevent future cookie theft, I am donating the following cookies to the public domain:
[insert encryption cookies here]
- Mike Magin on uiuc.org.asm 3/12/98

Gratuitous use of animated gifs, 15 yards...first down.
- Matt Williams on uiuc.test 3/11/98

"Where do you want to lick me today?"
- Todd Markle on uiuc.test 3/9/98, about KC working for Microsoft

^G if you love computers
- Mike Kolb on uiuc.test 3/5/98

And everyone keeps talking about IIS and what a great webserver it is. Well, Microsoft had to take their webserver down for three days for 'maintainence last July...when was the last time you had to rotate the fucking tires on your webserver?
- Matt Williams, 3/3/98

<Mal-2> spr: I get a lot of shit for reinventing wheels that need reinventing
- Brian Swetland (Mal-2) on #uiuc 2/1/98 about reimplementing things like encap in C

If a train station is a place where a train stops, what's a workstation?
- fortune

An infinite number of monkeys masquerading as 
   KC "MS" Smith  wrote:

> I saw an ad on TV.. "most machines have 32 megs of memory nowadays. which
> is more than enough to handle windows NT. so get NT!". I found their shtick
> highly amusing. 

Bullshit.  The thing swaps like a horny bitch at a swingers'
convention with anything less than 48 meg.  I'd recommend 64.

12:15 [Ark!~kgarner@mrslate.str.com] damn, its like, you date a chick and you don't find out until after you're broken up that her butt is configurable
- Keith Garner (Ark) 1/19/98

 BUGS
      The typedef DBT is a mnemonic for ``data base thang'', and was used
      because noone could think of a reasonable name that wasn't already
      used.

<toribird> i lost so many purity points in allen without ever touching drugs or another person
- Tori Lease (toribird) on #uiuc 12/26/97 (during a discussion with Benjy about Allen Hall being a "pooty farm")

<TanAdept> coll: Sysadmins are simply the unsung heroes of the modern day, and live sad lives bereft of theme music.
- Geoff "g0ff" Raye (TanAdept) on #uiuc 12/20/97

although i am still afloat in the fluid and larval modality that is
linux, i think i can now confidently assert that linux is the coolest
operating system i've ever laid whatever-it-is-one-lays-on-operating-
systems on.  thanks much to all who have helped me find form in
this nebulous beauty thus far.

If Matt was a C program, I'd be the first person to enter him in the GCC
contest for programs of the category "LEAST LIKELY TO COMPILE
SUCCESSFULLY".

And the comment for the header of the code would read:
/*
LEAST LIKELY TO COMPILE SUCCESSFULLY:
  Steven Bytnar, UIUC., Urbana, IL

  An appropriate program for December 4th, this consists primarily of
  calls to main() combined by a lot of the ternary conditional (?:)
  operators. Have you ever seen a more forceful return? The judges note
  that this program looked like what you would get by pounding on the keys
  of a type writer at random.
*/

Agnostics are the bisexuals of the religious world.
- Laura Zurawski on uiuc.test 11/21/97

<whoops> just call me ErotiKC Gallumbitch!
<TanAdept> The triple-breasted whore of #uiuc?

John C. Bambenek wrote:
>
> BTW, isn't there some rule about non-University people having e-mail
> accounts????  Just curious.

I believe you are confused.  The rule is that non-university 
people are not allowed to have telephones.  This is because
there would be no way for payroll to screw up their ph listing.

As I've seen it:
nn - you want to not read news
trn - you want to read news
tin - you want to reread news
pine - you want to ... uhm ... well, I haven't used it.

<Ark> Sean sean he's the mane
<Ark> if he can't do it, Mark, Benjy and Keith can!

<mrw> I don't do drugs, other than caffeine, alchohol, and knowing g0ff.
- Matt Williams (mrw) on #uiuc 10/24/97

have you thought of updating or cleaning you web page. My monitor must suck because all the pictures, especially the one of me looks like crap on this end. you dont say anything about me other than im you friend. You never even quoted me once on you quotes page. than needs to be dusted. after going through that whole thing i was exausted. damn it i say cute things! I even have a ba. i like to talk in the middle of the night. im single. Does anyone cute (male) check out your page, i need a boyfriend. ...anyway i really should get the hell off my computer and do some hoome work.yes, i know i cant type for shit..
- Rachel Leibovitz 10/20/97

<ChromeLi> The only way she could've got more attention is if she was a Pent Pro 266 on sale for $250.
- Benjy Feen (ChromeLi) (about Kristin in a room full of geeks) on #uiuc 10/19/97

See, that's why I knew you'd like waterbeds. They're just like-
- Jessica Warth (nevermind the rest of the sentance) 10/18/97

idiot: n. Sysadmin who shuts down SMTP servers for the night when he goes home, and turns them back on in the morning.
- Jason Lindquist on uiuc.test 10/14/97

AOL is the south-of-green of the internet.
- Joe Gross on uiuc.test 10/6/97

oh, well. At least I still get it Friday at 8.
- Jason Lindquist on uiuc.test 9/29/97 (about the B5 time change)

while (wah) do {
   wah;
}

You can take some of the branches all of the time, and all of the branches some of the time, but you can't take all of the branches all of the time.
- Mike Kolb 9/24 about branches in pipelined processors

builtins.c:1264: warning: passing arg 2 of `GetOneArgument' from incompatible pointer type

Right... the 24rd century and all they can lay hands on is some crappy okidata printer with a burnt out pixel.
- Todd Markle on uiuc.test 9/16/97 about the figlet ST:TNG font

An infinite number of monkeys masquerading as 
   Matthew Johnson <mrjohns2@uiuc.edu> wrote:

> when were the admins planning on telling everyone this?

They did, a long time ago.  Where were you?

The message was written in BinHexed EBCDIC transliterated Sanskrit,
carved on a stone tablet, and fastened to the underside of the
overhang over the main entrance to Grainger.  It's been there for
the last two standard years... if you couldn't trouble yourself
to participate in local government, that's your own problem.

20:07 <ChromeLi> think in terms of a 65 mustang with a 454 engine but no
  steering wheel and a broken shifter

17:43 * [Ender] defiantly says "pigfucker" in front of Jesus

Lilo has been one of the most flawless, easy-to-use, performs-as-documented parts of my entire Linux experience.
- Charley Kline on uiuc.test on 8/22/97

As I understand it, it's hard to avoid getting a job at CCSO if you know UNIX from a hole in your ass.
- Dave Lemson on uiuc.test on 7/23/97

Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea - massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entretaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it.
- Eugene Spafford (in NewsWatcher's documentation)

Linux is like a Vorlon. It is incredibly powerful, gives terse, cryptic answers and has a lot of things going on in the background.
- Thorsten Kukuk (kukuk@vt.uni-paderborn.de)'s sig (seen on comp.os.linux.announce on 6/11/97)

14:00 <hayley> I packed his lunch today.
14:01 <hayley> reminded him of things that he was supposed to do.
14:01 <hayley> I feel like a cron job  :)

The bed makes cute noises.
- Jill Smith 5/26/97

Y'know, I did all this, and I didn't even break the nail!
- Jessica Warth 4/15/97 in the emergency room with a broken finger

There is no such thing as a good morning, the greeting was started by some ancient egyptians as a sarcastic comment to the Pharoah, and people thought it was so funny that it caught on.
- Dave Terrell (Frag39) on #uiuc 4/2/97

Tall guy, long blonde hair, chips of clay dropping from his hands... Networking hardware bows in submission as he walks by. Can't miss him.
- Jason Lindquist about guess-who on uiuc.test 3/18/97

Your ass is too hard!
- Anne Nowinski to Keith Garner 3/17/97

Mark D. Roth (roth@uiuc.edu) wrote:
> Keith T. Garner <k-garner@uiuc.edu> writes:

> >Don't listen to Mark, he's known to really suck on occasion.  You should
> >listen to me, I kick ass.

> Whatever you say, Mark Roth v2.0. :)

From ~/src/mark-roth-2.0/ChangeLog

3 Mar 94    allah

     Various bugfixes (removed tendency to name inanimate wheeled objects)
     Added sexual magnetism and activity
     Accidentally added a '0' to the #define for SUCK_LEVEL, kept forgetting
     to change it back, will prolly fix in next release

I saw it in its semi-erected state.
- Jon Roma 2/15/97

	Riker grinned.  "...After all, it's not the first time anyone's
ever stolen a ship for a good cause."
	"True," said Picard.  "I understand that in Captain Scott's day,
it happened on a fairly regular basis."

Bunghole averted, TP procured. Go Mark!
- Fred Jacobs on the HoF mailing list, 2/3/97

Everyone I know here who's had to deal with AFS basically describes it as the barium enema of UNIX.
- Jason Lindquist on uiuc.test 2/2/97

Like they say, when in Rome, do as the Romans. When on TEST, either get a clue or fuck off.
- Greg Kaiser on uiuc.test 1/21/97

Tip for the day, kids: Don't try to take a leak in California after 11:00pm on a weeknight.
- Jason Lindquist on uiuc.test 1/21/97

you are the linux weanie(sic) poster boy.
- Joe Gross on uiuc.test 1/14/97

robert david roth <rd-roth@students.uiuc.edu> wrote:
>daniel joseph howard (djhoward@students.uiuc.edu) wrote:
>: rd-roth@students.uiuc.edu (robert david roth) writes:
>: >For me, it always (once) works better if I pay MORE attention to them... or
>: >something.
>:      Uhmmm, Rob?!? Do you happen to be a stud-mongrel?
>umm... no, hence the once I put in there... oh yeah, they also didn't flock
>to me... One chick at a time is good enough for me...

Well, once you get one, just apply an advisory lock on yourself.  (LOCK_EX
is probably more socially acceptable than a LOCK_SH, though I'm acquainted
with several who don't mind.)

I think yours went that way.
- Jessica Warth 1/4/97 about...er, nevermind

l-kohle@students.uiuc.edu (larissa ann kohler) writes:
>Anyone know a way to keep people from fingering you on students?

Stay away from horny cluster admins?

qmail is MUCH more bofhish. It talks like Eddie the Shipboard Computer to your own lusers, and acts like Marvin to anyone trying to get info from outside.
- Peter da Silva on bofh.config 12/9/96

You mean you don't have prehensile nads?
- Joe Gross 11/26/96

251 isn't stupid, it's 'leet!
- Jessica Warth 11/21/96

Yeah, but Tommy's a bad-ass motherfucker.
- Neil Chazin 11/18/96

Quick, get on irc and stall him!
-Joe Gross 11/15/96, about to get in the shower and informed that he was going to have to fight with Keith for hot water

Connecting to the Borg is a 5-step process.
- Joe Gross, comparing the Borg to UI-Direct while watching "The Best of Both Worlds Part II", 11/14/96

[g0ff] transcends lameness.
- Joe Gross 11/14/96

Why waste perfectly good chunks?
- Geoff "g0ff" Raye on uiuc.test 11/5/96

antediluvian (adj) From the latin "before the flood". Any period before Online Services (AOL, Prodigy, etc) flooded the net with permanent newbies.
- Peter da Silva on bofh.compfh.ibm.pc 10/27/96

11:36 <airpump> yes, but zsh won't do my laundry
11:37 <airpump> it will bitch because I didn't use a quarter made after 1993

I want to change my login to NULL so I can be "the user formerly known as raye".
- Geoff "g0ff" Raye 10/30/96

It's just like buying cigarettes, only a much better habit.
- Geoff "g0ff" Raye 10/30/96

Can you stop eating bagels and maintain your claims of Jewish heritage?
- Brandon Long 10/29/96 on uiuc.test

"Contrary to popular belief, Unix is user friendly.  It's just very particular
about who it makes friends with."

"Unix isn't designed to stop you from doing something stupid, because then it
might stop me from doing something very clever."

I think the first one came from somebody here on the net, and the second one
came from either Rob Pike or Andy Tannenbaum.  (Aren't all the good quotes
attributed to Andy at some time or another?)

Path: vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!not-for-mail
From: roma@uiuc.edu (Jon Roma)
Newsgroups: uiuc.test
Subject: Re: Zippy
Date: 19 Oct 1996 17:05:52 GMT
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Lines: 57
Message-ID: <54b1pg$k0f@vixen.cso.uiuc.edu>
References: <545pbs$39f@vixen.cso.uiuc.edu> <549r7j$scq@vixen.cso.uiuc.edu>
NNTP-Posting-Host: zippy.cso.uiuc.edu
X-Newsreader: TIN [UNIX 1.3 950824BETA PL0]

John Criswell (criswell@uiuc.edu) wrote:

> Okay, who the heck is Zippy the Pinhead?!  Seeing that shirt in DCL and
> not knowing who it is is beginning to annoy me.

Hey, that shirt is in my window.  It, alas, is too small for me to wear
(my intake of peanut butter and beet sandwiches didn't help) and I retired
it after Kristin bought me a replacement last year.  I miss the polka-dotted
mid-length sleeves.  That was the only shirt I owned that was bedecked with
polka dots and I miss the interest which it aroused every time I walked
into a small-town grocery store, or every time I stood on a Cincinnati
street corner holding a clean dog.

I felt as if a display of Zippy facing the DCL atrium would be an improvement
to otherwise non-descript and drab surroundings.  But I wonder if I should
put myself in escrow first.

Looks as if I'm going to have to hold a Zippy-based "Introduction to FUN"
for ACM one of these days.  Boy, am I glad I remembered to Xerox all my
undershirts!

Zippy is a comic strip character drawn by Bill Griffith, first seen in
the San Francisco papers and later syndicated elsewhere.  Zippy is typically
dressed in a red-and-white polka dot clown suit.  He has a perpetual five
o'clock shadow and the few strands of hair he has are tied up in a brightly-
colored bow.  Zippy's cranium -- while mostly empty -- belies his familial
resemblance to the Bartlett pear family.

You can discover Zippy as I did, by typing the command `yow' on the CCSO
student cluster and any other system managed by FUN-oriented administrators.
(I remember the first one I ever saw was "I was making donuts and now I'm
on a bus!")

Or you can follow the links off my home page and find this week's Zippy
strips.

Zippy, quite simply, is a pinhead, self-described as one whose mind is a
potato field.  But he has an encyclopedic knowledge of 1950's and 1960's
television sitcoms, Jerry Lewis telethons.  He has an appreciation for
laundromats (they represent the fifth dimension and are open 24 hours a day
in Newark) and in junk food.  Peanut butter and beet sandwiches aren't all
there is; Zippy writes best-sellers while covered in pure vegetable oil,
and believes strongly in the seven basic food groups: gum, puff pastry,
pizza, pesticides, antibiotics, nutra-sweet and milk-duds.  But Zippy's
idea of nirvana is Loni Anderson's hair and he's lobbying to remove it from
the government's list of controlled substances.  His orthodontist once defied
the I. R. S., too.

If you told Zippy you're bored, he might suggest buying five or six
Studebakers and go cruising for artificial flavoring.  Zippy isn't very
computer savvy, but he is astute enough to be glad that he went digital
ahead of the trend several years ago.  And he *is* into software.

Why do I find Zippy highly amusing?  Not only because I enjoy his
simple-minded random juxtapositioning of unrelated subjects or his bizarre
non-sequiturs.  But also because I'm in DIRECT daily contact with many
advanced fun CONCEPTS.

I'm about to have sex with Lisp.
- Larry Schrof 10/17/96

i wish all women were posix complient
- Keith Garner (Ark) on #uiuc 10/16/96

It was cool. They had to reboot Meijer!
- Joe Gross 10/15/96

Sorry, I guess I was misinterpretting you guys again.
- Joe Gross 10/15/96 about...er...don't ask.

While any sensible person knows rationally that having a cheering section doesn't actually improve the abilities of artificial intelligence routines, we'd like to give in to the superstition that it actually can help.
- Geoff "g0ff" Raye 10/13/96, asking people to come cheer for his team in the MechMania ][ programming contest

Path: vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!uiuc.edu!raye
From: raye@uiuc.edu (Geoff Raye)
Newsgroups: uiuc.general
Subject: Re: elm ate my mail / disk quota
Date: 13 Oct 1996 10:53:18 GMT
Organization: MEoW, Inc.
Lines: 48
Message-ID: <53qhmu$201@vixen.cso.uiuc.edu>
References: <53er10$3bi@vixen.cso.uiuc.edu> <53n9vv$pa3@vixen.cso.uiuc.edu> <53oil1$hcd@vixen.cso.uiuc.edu> <53omkt$ken@vixen.cso.uiuc.edu>
NNTP-Posting-Host: meow.isdn.uiuc.edu

In article <53omkt$ken@vixen.cso.uiuc.edu>, Joe Gross   wrote:
>tskirvin@uiuc.edu (Tim Skirvin) writes:
>
>In an effort to provide customer satisfaction I just took a "survey" of
>home directory usage for the entire student cluster and graphed percent of
>quota usage vs number of users.
>
>          http://ni.cso.uiuc.edu/cluster/homedir.usage.gif
>
>As I suspected, there appears to be no demand for an increase in quota
>other than from the three or four most vocal people on this newsgroup.
>
>I try to keep it as a general rule never to take those folks seriously as
>they generally have nothing relevant or usefull to say.
>
>Next topic?

Disk quotas for raye (uid 33469):
Filesystem     usage  quota  limit    timeleft  files  quota  limit    timeleft
/homeb          4028   4096   4300                150   2000   2500
/homec             0      1      1                  0      1      1

Hm.  I didn't realize I was using that much.  Actually, I'd like to
start taking advantage of "my" /homec access.  Hate to have that block
(or 2?) go to waste.

Well, I'm not particular vocal with respect to this debate.  I think
CCSO should offer services relating to cats.  After all, there was a
time when CCSO was merely CSO (And many know *that* story).  Perhaps
we should move on to CCCSO, the Communications, Computing, and Cat
Service Organization.  Furthermore, we should embark on a plan of
adding an additional C every so often to give in to demands of users.

Since I've already placed my vote (CCSO is a democracy where the
immediate whims of the minority must triumph), I'll leave the fourth
C for the future.

I guess I must have gotten the C++ out of my system, not having referred
to anything as an object or method lately.  This is good.

MEoW.
g0ff

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Geoff Raye          "The cat has yet to attack any city residents,
raye@uiuc.edu       although there have been several reports of it 
                    purring aggressively at passersby" - The Onion
--http://www.uiuc.edu/ph/www/raye----------------------------8/25/94------

* cvk not responding still trying
- Charley Kline (cvk) on #uiuc 10/8/96

If this is what it takes for me to get my news fix, so be it.
- Joe Gross, fixing a news server he's not responsible for at 0145, 10/8/96

Sometimes life feeds you a lot of meat. Especially on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.
- Jon Roma 10/7/96

Of course they'd have shields. I mean, c'mon, if I were an alien, I'd have shields.
- Kate Hugart re: ID4

That's one more than me. I only slept with 7 guys. No wait, I mean-
- A very drunk Keith Garner 10/3/96

I'm thinking of having my life distributed by NIS off of gertrude.
- A very drunk Keith Garner 10/3/96

I've bitched about it enough, so now it's optimized.
- Keith Garner 10/1/96

in other words, I'm screwed up the river without a paddle to dig my ass out with
- Fred Jacobs (moogle) on #uiuc 9/26/96

<Regis> Keith, you KNOW the eight-ball can't answer essay questions.
- Jason Lindquist (Regis) on #uiuc 9/26/96

You're being a dumbass, but your nads are compelling you to be a dumbass.
-Joe Gross 9/21/96

Yeah, but Mark, you had a 20th birthday.
- Geoff "g0ff" Raye (TanAdept) on #uiuc 9/21/96, after my statement that my purity test scores were pretty lame

home is where your workstation is
- Brian Swetland (Mal-2) on #uiuc 9/19/96

YM "cheesy newsreader named for a tree." HTH. Who died and made you Hoos?
- Jason Lindquist on uiuc.test 9/19/96

You don't count; you're a stealth-Jew.
- KC Smith 9/18/96

I'm not sure what bothers me most here. The comment that 100baseT is slow; the idea of doing IP networking over SCSI; or the comment about "drunk enough" in reference to kernel development.
- Tony Stuckey 9/16/96

<Mal2> ANSI can forbid my ass
- Brian Swetland (Mal2) on #uiuc 9/11/96

<moogle> multiprocessor system: parallel processing :: HOF : parallel pizza-cooking/eating
- Fred Jacobs (moogle) on #uiuc 9/8/96

Keith is like the Windows 95 of dating.
- Joe Gross 9/5/96

Speaking of Klingons, we need to get more toilet paper.
- Joe Gross 8/23/96

That's the problem with trees. You can't just stick a cable up their ass, telnet in, and run a diagnostic.
- Melissa Heischberg 8/22/96

02:33 <poeson> tail and head are fucked on this machine
02:33 <Fun-Boy> head is nice to have.
02:33 <Fun-Boy> and i wouldn't mind some tail, either.
02:34 <Fun-Boy> but i can get by with finger if i have to.

It's just gonna get bigger since you're playing with it.
- Joe Gross 8/8/96 (about a hole in my shirt)

Nothing quite like an animal cracker to help you deal with parents.
- Joe Gross 8/6/96

It's been a good morning. I bitched out a user, shut down a porn site, and averted a crisis.
- Joe Gross 8/2/96

Clueful users *do* exist. They are nice things to have around. The problem
is their rapid decay into SysAdmins.

I am not merely a stepping stone on procrastination highway.
- Melissa Heischberg 7/27/96

ark oughta be arrested for interstate drooling.
- Jon Roma (Fun-Boy) on #uiuc 7/24/96

It's so cool to be sentient.
- Joe Gross 7/22/96

Before I met Lindquist, I thought he was one of the most annoying people I could imagine. Then I met him and realized I was right.
- Joe Gross 7/19/96

There's just something I like about using 'j' and 'k' to move around the screen.
-John Criswell 7/18/96

I've changed my evil ways. I look at things differently than I used to.
-John Criswell 7/18/96 after an accusation that he breaks code merely by looking at it

God invented watches? I thought the Swiss did that.
- John Crisswell 6/27/96

251 sucks, really.
- Geoff "g0ff" Raye on #uiuc 6/21/96

It looks backwards, but it's defined forewards.
- John Criswell 6/18/96 about the X-Windows client-server structure

Mark, get a real religion so I don't have to worry when I cook for you.
- Melissa Heischberg 6/17/96

Wisconsin has a drinking problem.
- John Criswell 6/14/96

Hello, and welcome once again to the Annual Catchy Hostnames Pagaent. So far
this year, we've seen some very innovative new entries, and surprisingly,
some of the more popular mythological and planetary names have yet to make
an appearance, but there's plenty of time yet for them to make a move yet,
as this thread is just starting. So, sit back, and enjoy the fun as
alt.sysadmin.recovery brings you the very best coverage of Hostnames '96.

I'd yow, but like, this is windows
-Keith Garner (Ark) on #uiuc 6/6/96

Mark, I'm in touch with my machines.
-Geoff "g0ff" Raye 5/20/96

I'm doing feminine things with myself.
- Jill Smith 5/7/96

02:21 * sQurl plays with her penis
02:21 <Ark> I should do that, both my roommates are gone

Who's gonna sleep with him (and it's not gonna be me)?
- Brian Swetland 5/2/96

You! Don't even think of using that thing!
- Brian Swetland 4/30/96

This computer is capable of generating 10,000 copyright infringements per second.
- Greg Brauer 4/30/96

I'm blonde. Everything's a hard question.
- Jill Smith 4/30/96

Sorry for this gratuitous, futile attempt at a higher S/N ratio for this thread.
- Ed Kubaitis on uiuc.general 4/30/96

Is this some strange new geek mating dance or something?
- Jill Smith 4/29/96

It's unix, it's supposed to be archaic.
- Geoff "g0ff" Raye (TanAdept) on #uiuc 4/29/96

The HoF is a place of wild abandon.
- Geoff "g0ff" Raye (TanAdept) on &uiuc 4/28/96

I like not having any holes anywhere except my ears.
- Jill Smith 4/24/96

I think in.telnetd just wants to be in.rlogind when it grows up.
- Keith Garner on uiuc.sw.linux 4/24/96

22:37 * sQurl ignores collision and scratches her tits
22:38 <Riff> is tit scratching allowed in here?
22:38 <Riff> dont you need a license for that?
22:38 <sQurl> their mine
22:38 <sQurl> I can scratch them if I want to
22:38 <sQurl> OTHER people need a liscense

ncftp in command-line mode is smarter than most LAS majors
- Jason Lindquist (Regis) on #uiuc 4/15/96

i always thought no-op idling wasted processor cycles
- Paul Swanson (Zem) on #uiuc 4/15/96

"I'm too drunk to tell."
"I thought you were sober!"
"Oh yeah."
- Me and Jill Smith 4/13/96

So Mark, how about those...source trees?
- Geoff "g0ff" Raye 4/11/96

So Jeff, are you going to want to receive phone calls next year?
- Geoff "g0ff" Raye 4/11/96

Obviously, you're a pretty damn energetic person.
- Jeff Thompson 4/11/96

I think elbows are the world's leading form of birth control.
- Melissa Heischberg 4/10/96

okay, so we've established mark doesn't have a stiffie.. can we continue the exam?
- Amy Ryan (eighmi) on #uiuc 3/26/96

Long live g0ffterm!!! Surviver of the great monitor blow out of 1996...May it's phospher burn long and green into eternity. May it's alarm clock go off for those who set it. Maybe it be every bit the dumb term it can be. Maythe g0ffterm last forever (or at least until I can buy a new monitor).
- Keith Garner on uiuc.test 3/25/96

My parents wont take a dump without checking out at least 3 toilets.
- Keith Garner 3/25/96

10km is close enough to infinity.
- Eric Draeger (my Physics 108 TA) 3/25/96

If you think life's too expensive, you should try pricing out a funeral!
- Jon Roma 3/24/96

Nobody should be allowed to run anything!
- Jason Wessel in BOFH mode 3/20/96

Winning is one of my favorite pasttimes.
- Melissa Heischberg 3/20/96

My poop has more AI then that.
- Keith Garner (Ark) on #uiuc 3/20/96 (about my ELIZA impersonation)

This guy came into my room and said, "Show me the Internet." So I tracerouted somewhere.
- Keith Garner

"Bother," said Pooh as he struggled with /etc/sendmail.cf, "It never does quite what I want. I wish Christopher Robin was here."
- Peter da Silva on alt.sysadmin.recovery 3/17/96

sheep is for weaklings.
- Jon Roma (Fun-Boy) on #uiuc 3/7/96

I should be a bouncer.
- Jill Smith 3/5/96

I do want to sincerely apologize for posting something with actual content to this newsgroup. It won't happen again.
- Jon Roma on uiuc.test 3/5/96

man, my right hand is killing me
- Keith Garner (Ark) on #uiuc 3/4/96

It's a little tight in places.
- Jill Smith 3/4/96

Is there anything you don't have root on?
- Jonathan Stark to Joe Gross 3/2/96

tan: what else have you written besides g0ffterm?
- Paul Swanson (Zem) to Geoff "g0ff" Raye (TanAdept) on #uiuc 2/27/96

I want to be staticly linked when I grow up.
- Geoff "g0ff" Raye (TanAdept) on #uiuc 2/22/96

Matt, you seem strangely naked without your 6.
- Geoff "g0ff" Raye (TanAdept) on #uiuc 2/18/96

Bill Joy is the worst thing to ever happen to Unix.
- Tony Stuckey 2/17/96

All I see is hair and a butt.
- Joe Gross 2/5/96

That's why God made italics.
- Joe Gross 2/5/96

Joe, if those have fingerprints on them, I'll make you clean the toilet with your toungue!
- Jill Smith 2/2/96

It never ceases to amaze me how many best scripting languages there are.
- Larry Wall

[g0ff]'s kinda a cross between someone who's cool and Mr. Spock.
- Joe Gross 1/29/96

* sQurl is getting off by a key
- Jill Smith (sQurl) on #uiuc 1/29/96

fucking crummy telnet needs a lozenge
- Signoff message from Jason Beatty (halfman) on #uiuc 1/29/96

Sorry. I'll blow elsewhere.
- Charley Kline 1/24/96

* cvk does not install kernels with unsatisfied external references.
- Charley Kline (cvk) on #uiuc 1/24/96

She has an ass so fine that NASA does calibrations off it.
- Miron Hirsch 1/23/96

You like to mentally kick ass.
- Charley Kline 1/19/96

Brian has one just like it, only 2" longer.
- Jill Smith 1/11/96

I got back there just by following some guy in leather.
- Charley Kline 1/11/96

Perl is for wusses who are afraid to write five line cryptic shell pipelines in production code.
- Peter da Silva (peter@bonkers.taronga.com) on alt.sysadmin.recovery 1/5/96

Unix utilities are like two-edged swords with sharp handles: dangerous, but think of the amazing things you can do with a tool like that.
- Michael Pereckas

I'm not bisexual, but I am ambidextrous.
- Michael Pereckas

Meese sucks. He should be fucked by an elk.
- Jason Lindquist (Regis) on #uiuc 1/8/96

You can create a file, Mark. You're a CS major.
- Kate Hugart 12/23/95 in reference to a hanging file

I want to be a regular expression when I grow up.
- Geoff Raye (TanAdept) on #uiuc

No, that would give you an error on general principles.
-Me, a long time ago

Cats are hunters, not scavengers. Piss off!
- Ravi Duvvuri 12/6/95

AIX looks like it was designed by a space alien who had had Unix described to him by another space alien. But their universal translators were broken, and they'd had to gesture a lot.
- Paul Tomblin (ptomblin@canoe.com)

It's fun to see such a weak mind being demonically possessed!
- Scott Harris 12/1/95

It's a 7-card hand, and 9 have been bid. How many of the remaining -2 do you want?
- Tony Stuckey 12/1/95

Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say yes!
- Winston Zeddmore, "Ghostbusters"

Sorry, Venkman, I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.
- Egon Spengler, "Ghostbusters"

On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament], 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.
- Charles Babbage

You can tune a file system, but you can't tune a fish.
- 4.2BSD tunefs(8) manpage

Alright, I guess I'd better try a less aggressive offense.
- Tony Stuckey 11/15/95

Do you want to spank my inner child?
- Melissa Heischberg 11/15/95

That last sentence does make sense; try again.
- the ytalk-3.0.2 manpage

The Vorlons do not scamper terribly well, but no one has yet told them this.
- jms on rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5

Two things transcend all human understanding: the concept of god, and PTEN publicity.
- jms on rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5 10/22/95

Me: [Plan 9] is like UNIX without all the annoying things about UNIX.
Otto: That sounds boring.
- Me and Otto Hammersmith 10/1/95

Help! I'm being eaten by the Blue Burrito!
- Pam Schorr 9/9/95

I've got a screwdriver and a root password. We can fix this!
- Jason Lindquist 9/8/95

A one-time $11 fee is a small price to pay for geekdom of this level.
- Brian Swetland 9/7/95 on uiuc.general

Yeah, but how many Integrated Circuits do you know that have donated a lot of money to a school so it would name itself after them?
- Me 9/6/95

...his ass is grass, and I'm a lawnmower!
- Alan Braverman 8/31/95

[I'm] glad USA Today doesn't survey penis length.
- Peter Seebach 8/29/95 on alt.folklore.computers

Okay, I'm officially disgusted with this thread now.
- Charley Kline 8/29/95 on cso.general

Any FAQ that references me, by definition, cannot be lame.
- Dave Lemson on uiuc.test

Most of the people in my auto-select file are named Steve.
- Tony Stuckey 8/20/95

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck it *is* a duck. However if duck is really duck(tm), the company producing the new duck may say that it "only shares a basic philosophy with duck(tm)"
- badger@phylo.life.uiuc.edu (Jonathan Badger) about UNIX-lookalike OSs on alt.folklore.computers

Actually, the _BSD_ interrupt structure sucks. Repeat after me: "prioritized interrupts are braindamaged".
- Linus Torvalds (on linux-68k mailing list)

No one appreciates my socks.
- Brian Altman 7/21/95

Never apologize for being yourself.
- Mike Blumenthal 7/21/95

We wouldn't be her friends if we didn't force her into submission.
- Uday (about Tamara)

sendmail is the worst conceivable MTA, except for all the others.
- Joshua Geller (joshua@gnu.ai.mit.edu)

You look like you're having a really good day or a really bad day. I'm not sure which.
- Brian Altman

Using MS Word for a normal, simple document is a bit like killing mosquitoes with a laser cannon.
- Chris Sonnack (cjsonnack@mmm.com)

Pollute! It makes the planet seem less attractive to alien invaders.
- Richard Martinoff

Linux running on a piece of toast would outperform SCO.
- Leo A. Pereira (lpereira@us.oracle.com)

Pizza is a dish best served cold. And it is very cold in the machine room.
- Andy Carey (careya@peak.org)

The opinions expressed above are strictly the opinions of my fingers and may not reflect the opinions of the other apendages.
- leadfoot@julian.slip.uwo.ca (Alexander M. Bilan)

Me: Can you get hi on [sniffing packets]?
r.street@auckland.ac.nz: Yes. But be careful out there --- NETBIOS packets can be a real downer.
dfloyd@io.com: Also, Appletalk packets will give you the runs if you don't watch out.
- alt.sysadmin.recovery

SMIT happens.
- abbyfg@tezcat.com

The memory management on the PowerPC can be used to frighten small children.
- Linus Torvalds

Sendmail is to admining as parallel parking a van is to driving.
- Douglas R. Floyd (dfloyd@io.com)

Obviously it's incumbent on a mailer not to end life on the planet if it finds weird characters.
-Steve Dorner

He's giving you a seive to fill up your bag with a hole in the bottom.
-Kate Hugart 5/21/95

There is no cure for System V. It's terminal.
-Me 5/15/95

One cannot be associated with Mark and not know such facts as these. At least not on pain of endless repetition of basic facts ad nauseum.
-Miron Hirsch 4/29/95

Note that if I can get you to "su and say" something just by asking, you have a very serious security problem on your system and you should look into it.
-Paul Vixie, vixie-cron 3.0.1 installation notes

System V users: Best results are obtained by upgrading your OS to 4.4 BSD.
- Paul Pomes, oed2 2.15 installation notes

That manpage is not written to be understandable. It's write-only.
- Tony Stuckey 4/18/95

[The Excelsior class]: the Ford Escort of Starfleet.
- wenzel@aol.com

Me: "I hereby declare this meeting open."
Cliff McCarthy: "Don't we need a file descriptor?"

Good things come in shipments from Columbia.
- Tony Stuckey

You two keep accomodating each other until people start passing out!
- Hilary Leon

There's nothing like curling up with a good perl(1) book.
- Nathan Schrenk

It's like vi(1), except you shoot people.
- John Stimson (describing the ancient Unix game 'hunt')

I also found ... a useful-looking red object behind your dresser.
- my dad (It turned out to be an old 5.25" disk-notcher.)

Somebody on this campus needs to start selling clues. Wholesale.
- Jason Lindquist on cso.problems

Under MS-DOS you have one really large program which fails to work all by itself. Under UNIX you have a whole bunch of really small programs which fail to work in complicated interaction.
- Mike Pereckas

There are only two ways of dealing with women...and neither of them work.
- Jeff Thompson

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
- leitner@inf.fu-berlin.de (Felix von Leitner)

...buggy as a lakeside picnic on a warm summer day!
- Tony Stuckey

You're not going to run nslookup(1) on a bicycle!
- Melissa Heischberg

I wasn't the one who misplaced the entire Deltivid Asteroid Belt!
- Q, ST:TNG "Deja Q"

MACINTOSH: Machine Always Crashes, If Not Then Operating System Halts.
- Jill Smith, quoting someone at UIUC

Back, foul bubble fiend!
- Brian Swetland

Damn woman drivers! She backed the Enterprise into a planet!
- Noam BenAmi

Stanton didn't personally know much about the Enterprise, except that its captain was probably SFC's favorite person in the known universe. It was said that Captain Picard's buttocks had more high-ranking lipstick marks than any other starship commander in Starfleet.
- "Fools in Hell", ST:TNG fan fiction on alt.startrek.creative

This is the kind of [video game] level your mom warned you about.
- Miron Hirsch

Whoever gave my brain root access over my body should have their head examined.
- Mark Roth (me)

Farfagneugen! (sp?)
- A Volkswagon commercial

You can't masturbate rollerfully.
- Mark Roth (me)

It's a fascinating architecture. Too bad it sucks.
- Mike Pereckas, about the VAX

I'm gonna bet that this somehow involves pigmy hippos.
- Declan Fleming

That's so much that if you really try and conceive of how big it is, your brain will coredump and you'll be fsck'ing childhood memories for hours.
- http://web.mit.edu/afs/sipb/user/mkgray/ht/wow-its-big.html

	'Sometimes,' the Doctor mused, 'just sometimes, I hanker for
the good old days, when all my companions ever did was scream and ask
me stupid questions.'
	'So what's going on, then?' Ace asked.
	'Yes, that was a favourite one.'

... Our continuing mission: To seek out knowledge of C, to explore strange UNIX commands, and to boldly code where no one has man page 4.
- lellis@dmccorp.com (John Lellis)

What's a Pereckas again?
- Rich Martinoff

Past perfect tense? `I have just been castrated.' Past perfect testicle.
- Ron Schmelzer

Whoever created the `need' for -Wno-parentheses ought to have his genitals whacked.
- Tony Stuckey, quoting someone or other...

This sin is inexcusable. We'll just have to staple you to a gerbil.
- Mike Blumenthal

Most of what I've learned over the years has come from signatures.
- Larry Wall

Is there road-pizza on the information superhighway?
- Mike Blumenthal

There's a real shortage of Roman artifacts in Central Illinois.
- Mike Pereckas

What color is mediocre?
- Mike Blumenthal

Me: Why's the network being so slow?
Mike Blumenthal: Maybe someone sneezed on a router.

Let's get cron(8) involved somehow...
- Mike Pereckas

Try that under MS-DOS!
- Mike Pereckas