From ajroth@skcla.monsanto.com Tue Dec 3 22:27:04 1996 Return-Path: Received: from postoffice.cso.uiuc.edu (postoffice.cso.uiuc.edu [128.174.5.11]) by dynamic.isdn.uiuc.edu (8.8.2/8.8.2) with SMTP id WAA17830 for ; Tue, 3 Dec 1996 22:27:03 -0600 From: ajroth@skcla.monsanto.com Received: (from daemon@localhost) by postoffice.cso.uiuc.edu (8.6.12/8.6.12) id EAA53066 for roth@dynamic.isdn.uiuc.edu; Wed, 4 Dec 1996 04:27:01 GMT Received: from gatekeeper.monsanto.com (firewall-user@gatekeeper.monsanto.com [199.89.234.125]) by postoffice.cso.uiuc.edu (8.6.12/8.6.12) with SMTP id WAA12352 for ; Tue, 3 Dec 1996 22:27:00 -0600 X-PH: V4.4@postoffice.cso.uiuc.edu Received: by gatekeeper.monsanto.com; id AA07162; Tue, 3 Dec 96 22:26:59 CST Received: from tin.monsanto.com(137.35.4.90) by gatekeeper.monsanto.com. via smap (V3.1.1) id xma007140; Tue, 3 Dec 96 22:26:56 -0600 Received: from SKCLA.DECnet MAIL11D_V3 by tin (5.65/Monsanto1.11) id AA05609; Tue, 3 Dec 1996 22:25:01 -0600 Date: Tue, 3 Dec 1996 22:25:01 -0600 Message-Id: <9612040425.AA05609@tin> To: "roth@uiuc.edu"@tin.monsanto.com Cc: AJROTH@monsanto.com Subject: Unix Joke Status: RO Mark, this came from a friend. It's right up your alley. It's a joke about a Unix consultant. --- Dad ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Meanwhile, I leave you with this little bit of digital Abbott and Costello, UNIX style, courtesey of the e-mail joke network. > Customer : What is the command that will tell me the revision code > of a program ? > > UNIX consul : Yes, that's correct. > > Customer : No, what is it ? > > UNIX consul : Yes. > > Customer : So, which is the one ? > > UNIX consul : No. 'which' is used to find the program. > > Customer : Stop this. Who are you ? > > UNIX consul : Use 'who am i' not 'who r yoo'. You can also 'finger > yoo' to get information about yoo'. > > Customer : All I want to know is what finds the revision code ? > > UNIX consul : Use 'what'. > > Customer : That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true ? > > UNIX consul : No. 'true' gives you 0. > > Customer : Which one ? > > UNIX consul : 'true' gives you 0. 'which programname' > > Customer : Let's get back to my problem. What program? How do I > find it? > > UNIX consul : Type 'find / -name it -print' to find 'it'. Type 'what > program' to get the revision code. > > Customer : I want to find the revision code. > > UNIX consul : You can't 'find revisioncode', you must use 'what > program'. > > Customer : Which command will do what I need? > > UNIX consul : No. 'which command' will find 'command'. > > Customer : I think I understand. Let me write that. > > UNIX consul : You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a user on your > system. > > Customer : Write what? > > UNIX consul : No. 'write that'. 'what program'. > > Customer : Cut that out! > > UNIX consul : Yes. Those are valid files for 'cut'. Don't forget the > options. > > Customer : Do you always do this ? > > UNIX consul : 'du' will give you disk usage. > > Customer : HELP! > > UNIX consul : 'help' is only used for Source Code Control > System(SCCS). > > Customer : You make me angry. > > UNIX consul : No, I don't 'make me' angry but I did 'make programname' > when I was upset once. > > Customer : I don't want to make trouble, so no more. > > UNIX consul : No 'more'? 'which' will help you find 'more'. Every > system has 'more'. > > Customer : Nice help! I'm confused more now! > > UNIX consul : Understand that since 'help' is such a small program, it > is better not to 'nice help'. And 'more now' is not allowed > but 'at now' is. Unless of course 'now' is a file name. > > Customer : This is almost as confusing as my PC. > > UNIX consul : I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'. Let me get you > to the Pascal compiler team. > > >All jokes property of their respective copyright holders. No Microsoft >employees were injured in the making of these jokes. This document is >certified content-free. Void where prohibited.