[Note: A friend of mine gave me this in hardcopy, and I decided to put
it online.  I tried to stay as close to the hardcopy as I could, right
down to the line spacing and grammar.  I hope others enjoy this as
much as I did.   -Mark D. Roth (roth@uiuc.edu)]

SOURCE OF INTERNET LAG LOCATED			October 8, 1992
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    After a six month study of Internet traffic, MacInKore
Computer Technologies released a report detailing a traffic flow
problem that allegedly causes a 10 to 20 percent decrease in
efficiency.  This phenomenon, which they have dubbed "Net Smalltalk,"
occurs during large data transfers over a high TCP/IP network.  It manifests
itself as small inserted packets into the data stream.
    In its weakest form, small peices of data, maybe a few random characters,
are inserted into messages, especially NewsNet posts, (NO THEY AREN'T! NAK NAK)
a
nd occasional
discrepancies can be found in checksums.  In its worst form, entire
two-way transactions have been found slipped between large data transfers.
Dick Bawlman of MCT has actually recorded one of these transfers:

> (128 other irrelevant TCP/IP packets)
> 132.176.32.1, So what time is it? ACK?
> (256 more packets)
> 129.32.143.7, it is 23:29:62 12.58 GMT.  What kind of box are you? ACK?
> (32 more packets)
> 132.176.32.1, Hey I am an Amiga 2000.  How about you? ACK?
> (16 more packets)
> NAK
> (8 more packets)
> 132.176.32.1, Hey I am an Amiga 2000.  How about you? ACK?
> (32 more packets)
> 129.32.143.7, I am a 32 processor Sequent, and I think Amiga's
> suck silicon.  EOP
> 139.176.32.1, you can blow your databus out my cartridge port. EOP
> (32 more packets)
> 129.32.143.7, That's it.  I'm routing all your packets to Finland! EOP
> (8 more packets)
> 139.176.32.1, Oh yeah?  I'm sending 32768 Doomsday Packets to your domain!

    MCT claims that these types of transactions take 20-30% of total Internet 
bandwidth.  Also common supposedly is the same packet sent back and forth
between a few thousand machines, a line added on each time.  Larger machines
with high-bandwidth lines will also send hundreds of megabytes of
architecture and function diagrams of sleeker, more modern, and
even a bit RISCy machines.  VERY HEXY I'D SAY.  Lastly, some machines with an
"ego" problem,
as MCT calls it, will send huge identification packets to every machine
on the Internet.  These redundancies can actually account for 50% of all
network inefficiency, says MCT.
    MCT has also located two major speed problems with LANs (Local Area
NetJERKSworks).  One is called "provincialism," where the computers will engage
in
mostly Net Smalltalk and bring down an office system's network.  Another one
is "culture shock," where a LAN, recently connected to the Internet, is
unable to handle the increased volume of data, so it starts to omit thngs.
Both of these things can be rememdied temporarily by booting the system.
    MCT has two products available to help combat these problems. One is
NetPsychDoctor, which is currently available and costs $170 an hour.
NetPsychDoctor diagnoses problems with long data exchanges finds the true
subconsole bug in the operating system.  The other, NetBurn, will stop
errant packets by admonishing the sender.  Please make sure you do not have
two copies of this software running or it will start a loop that will
soon choke your available bandwidth!

    For more information, please send mail to info@FOOLSgold.mct.com


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Dan Marks .... dlm40629@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu .... "Eat it, or wear it!"
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