Path: vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!newsfeed.ksu.ksu.edu!moe.ksu.ksu.edu!hptemp1.cc.umr.edu!dpe
From: dpe@rocket.cc.umr.edu (David Edwards)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.computers
Subject: Looking for flames!
Date: 21 Oct 1994 18:26:21 GMT
Organization: UMR Missouri's Technological University
Lines: 266
Message-ID: <38914d$b9m@hptemp1.cc.umr.edu>
NNTP-Posting-Host: rocket.cc.umr.edu
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2]


I'm looking for a more complete listing than the one I have below... does
anyone keep a longer one on hand? Suggestions (of the creative sort...)
are also welcome... 

--
YES! It's the latest USENET POSTING objection form letter! Here's how it
works: Read Usenet as usual. If someone posts something truely inappropriate,
mail off a letter expressing your disgust, as well as the following. Fill
it out first, of course... feel free to copy, modify, or distribute as you
see fit!
______________        _______________________        ______________________
______________CUT HERE_______________________CUT HERE______________________

TO: <<offending address>>

Dear:
[ ] sir      [ ] clueless one  [ ] twit          [ ] great man on campus
[ ] madam    [ ] dweeb         [ ] newbie twerp  [ ] comrade
[ ] kid      [ ] <AHEM!>       [ ] anon@penet.fi [ ] whatever you are...
[ ] Elvis    [ ] moon beam     [ ] boor          [ ] Obergruppenfuehrer
[ ] citoyen  [ ] Geek          [ ] cur           [ ] evolutionary throwback
[ ] B1FF     [ ] D00D!!!       [ ] Neanderthal   [ ] other

 I took exception to your (____________) recent post to _________________
                              (name)
 
 It was (check all that apply):
 
 ___ lame.
 ___ stupid.
 ___ pointless.
 ___ tasteless.
 ___ much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable.
 ___ much longer than your attention span will permit coherence for.


 Your attention is drawn to the fact that:
 ___ your post/mail originated on FidoNet.
 ___ your post/mail originated on Delphi.
 ___ your post/mail originated on America On-Line.
 ___ your post/mail originated on MCSnet.
 ___ your post contained commercial advertising.
     THE FINE FOR THIS IS $20. 
 ___ you posted a "newgroup" message without Leader Kibo's permission.
 ___ you posted a "rmgroup" message without Bruce Becker's permission.
 ___ you continued a boring useless stupid thread.
 ___ you quoted someone's whole article.
     ___ just so you could add 'me too!'
     ___ and added absolutely nothing.
         ___ except your .sig file.
     ___ and added meaningless gibberish.
	 ___ specifically, your .sig file.
 ___ you repeatedly _________ incoherent, flaky, and mindless threads.
     ___ initiated.
     ___ continued.
 ___ you posted a piece riddled with profanities.
     ___ used improperly.
         ___ and they weren't even used in an original or creative way.
     ___ apparently, merely to be offensive.
 ___ you posted some sort of crap that doesn't belong in this group.
     ___ again.
     ___ and it was boring.
         ___ the first time.
 ___ you posted the inanely stupid 'Make Money Fast' article.
 ___ you predicted the "Death of Internet(tm)".
     ___ from delphi.com.
     ___ from AOL.com.
     ___ from FIDOnet.
 ___ you advocated Net censorship.
 ___ you run a munchkin campaign and we don't want to hear about it.
 ___ you made a bigoted statement(s).
 ___ you repeatedly assumed unwarranted moral or intellectual superiority.
 ___ you are under the misapprehension that this group is your preserve.
 ___ you were unnecessarily mean/cruel/personal in your postings.
 ___ you repeatedly shown lack of humor.
 ___ you are apparently under compulsion to post to every thread.
 ___ you are posting an anonymous attack.
 ___ what you posted/said has been done before.
     (Mark only if above checked)
     ___ Not only that, it was also done better the last time.
 ___ your post was a pathetic imitation of   ______________________.
                                                  (list member)
 ___ your post referred to a newsgroup as a Board, BBoard, or BBS.
 ___ your post contained numerous spelling errors.
 ___ your post contained multiple grammatical errors.
 ___ YOUR POST CONTAINED EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION AND/OR PUNCTUATION!!!!!
 ___ your post was an obvious forgery.
     (Mark only if above checked)
     ___ It was done clumsily.
 ___ you have a lame login name.
 ___ you tried to perpetuate a chain letter.
     (Mark only if above checked.)
     ___ Involving money.
 ___ your machine has a stupid name.
 ___ you don't know what you're talking about.
 ___ you included blatantly false information about
     ___ the latest cause of the month.
     ___ the current repetition of a thread that has been repeating itself
         ___ weekly.
         ___ daily.
         ___ monthly.
         ___ and I've seen it before.
             ___ and it was proven false.
                 ___ yesterday.
                 ___ last week.
                 ___ repeatedly.
             ___ and you posted it last time. 
     	 ___ And it was better done the last time.
         ___ Involving
	     ___ a conspiracy involving
       	     ___ organized religion.
          	 ___ Christian.
              	     ___ LDS or RLDS.
		     ___ Protestant.
		     ___ Catholic.
 		     ___ Baptist or offshoot thereof.
             ___ other ______________.
             ___ government.
                 ___ US.
                     ___ Current President.
		     ___ Relatives of current president.
                     ___ Congress.
                     ___ state.
              	     ___ governmental agency.
                  	 ___ specifically _______________ 
                  	 ___ all.
             ___ involving JFK.
             ___ all.
             ___ other ______________
             ___  _________________, involving Elvis.
             ___ some specific religious leader.
                 ___ Brigham Young.
              	 ___ the pope.
              	 ___ other Mormon.
              	 ___ other.
 ___ you tried to get people to send mail to add their names to a petition.
 ___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and added no new text.
 ___ you misquoted/quoted out of context.
 ___ you failed to give appropriate credit for quotes.
 ___ you included the word D00D or D00DZ.
 ___ you included the word K001 or B1FF.
 ___ you substituted numbers for letters (0 for O, 1 for L, 3 for E, etc.)
 ___ you included the word WaReZ, or some varient there upon.
     (Mark only if above checked)
     ___ And you asked if someone would tell you where to find them.
     ___ And you offered to trade site addresses.
     ___ And you tried to explain that pirating games is really, in
         fact, beneficial to the software industry.
     ___ And you asked for help breaking copy protection.
	 ___ And it is obvious that you are incapable of contributing to
	     such a feat yourself.
	 ___ And you want someone else to do it FOR you.
	 ___ And you want someone else to provide you with an illegal copy 
	     of the software in question so you can demonstrate your 
	     "cracking expertise" by downloading a publicly accessable 
	     crack and applying it.
 ___ you used catchphrases from popular literature, attempting to appear
     knowledgable and/or a "R3A1 |<001 D00D".
 ___ you quoted from a "cyberpunk" magazine, such as WIRED, on a topic 
     inappropriate for the group.
     (Mark only if any of the above 6 are checked)
     ___ And you used far more exclamation points than really necessary or
         justifiable.
     ___ And you made yourself look stupid in front of the whole world.
     ___ And you claimed to speak for your generation.
     ___ And, despite obviously being (pre?)pubescent, claimed to speak for
	 "Generation X".
     ___ And you referred to Internet as "cyberspace".
     ___ And you posted with information pertaining to the latest "in"
         crisis to a newsgroup in no way associated with the matter at
         hand.
         (Mark only if above checked)
         ___ And from your posting, it can be deduced that you have NO IDEA
             WHATSOEVER about that which you post regarding. 
 ___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and only added ___ lines
     of text.
 ___ you flamed someone who:
     ___ has been around far longer than you.
     ___ who has proven themselves far more intelligent and witty than you. 
     ___ who stated that they were expressing their own oppinions
 	 in the same post that they expressed said oppinions in. 
 ___ your lines are 80 columns wide or wider.
     ___ and your editor 
	 ___ wrapped them, making them difficult to read.
	 ___ truncated them, making them nigh unto IMPOSSIBLE to read.
 ___ your .sig is longer than four lines.
     (Mark only if above checked)
     ___ And your mailer truncated it.
 ___ your .sig is ridiculous because (check all that apply):
     ___ it was inserted in a posting you made "anonymously" through penet.fi.
     ___ you listed ___ snail mail address(es).
         (Mark only if above checked)
         ___ you listed a nine-digit ZIP code.
     ___ you listed ___ phone numbers for people to use in prank calls.
     ___ you included a stupid disclaimer.
          ___ your made an attempt being witty.
	      ___ And it failed.
		  ___ Miserably.
     ___ you stated you do not speak for your employer and
	 ___ included the company logo.
	 ___ did not speak for yourself, either. (If not you, who?)
	 ___ a whole bunch of other people nobody but you knows.
     ___ you included:
         (Mark all that apply)
          ___ a stupid self-quote.
          ___ a stupid quote from a net.nobody.
          ___ a Rush Limbaugh quote.
	  ___ an Adolf Hitler quote.	
          ___ a Dan Quayle joke.
          ___ a reference to Beavis & Butthead.
          ___ lame ASCII graphic(s) (Choose all that apply):
              ___ USS Enterprise
              ___ Australia
              ___ The Amiga logo
              ___ Company logo
                  (Mark only if above also)
                  ___ and you stated that you don't speak for your employer.
              ___ Bicycle
              ___ Bart Simpson
	      ___ Other

 Furthermore:
 
 ___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of ______________.
 ___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of this newsgroup.
 ___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of Internet.
 ___ You are a loser.
 ___ *plonk*
 ___ You must have spent your entire life in a Skinner box to be this
     clueless.
 ___ This has been pointed out to you before.
     (Check only if above marked)
     ___ Twice.
     ___ More than twice.
     ___ And you responded, so obviously you've been so informed. 
 ___ You appear to be a raving lunatic.
 ___ You appear to be a idiot.

 It is recommended that you:
     (Mark all that apply)
     ___ stick to FidoNet and come back when you've grown up.
     ___ find a volcano and throw yourself in.
     ___ get a gun and shoot yourself.
     ___ stop reading ____________ and get a life.
     ___ stop sending email and get a life.
     ___ Give up on Internet and get a life.
     ___ return to 5th grade and learn how to spell.
     ___ learn to type.
     ___ grow up or go home.
     ___ consume excrement.
     ___ consume excrement and thus expire.
     ___ just DROP DEAD!
	 ___ in an interesting way.

Additional comments:

 
--
____________________________________________________________________
David Edwards   ||  I will not do it, in my car, I will not speak ||
U of MO, Rolla  || for UMR.  I would not, could not in a plane, I ||
dpe@umr.edu     || would not, could not on a train. I will not    || 
                || speak for UMR, I will not do it, Sam you are.  ||  
                ====================================================