From rotter@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu Thu Jun 30 08:13:27 1994 Received: from argus.cso.uiuc.edu by ux4.cso.uiuc.edu with SMTP id AA22881 (5.67b/IDA-1.5 for ); Thu, 30 Jun 1994 08:13:27 -0500 Received: by argus.cso.uiuc.edu id AA06778 (5.67b/IDA-1.5 for roth@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu); Thu, 30 Jun 1994 08:13:27 -0500 Received: from alexia.lis.uiuc.edu by argus.cso.uiuc.edu with SMTP id AA62325 (5.67b/IDA-1.5 for ); Thu, 30 Jun 1994 08:13:25 -0500 Received: by alexia.lis.uiuc.edu id AA27944 (5.61 for roth@uiuc.edu); Thu, 30 Jun 94 08:13:03 -0500 Date: Thu, 30 Jun 1994 08:12:56 -0500 (CDT) X-Ph: V4.3@argus.cso.uiuc.edu From: Nora Rotter Subject: mrk (fwd) To: Mark Roth Message-Id: Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Status: RO ---------- Forwarded message ---------- Date: Thu, 30 Jun 94 08:12:23 -0500 From: Nora Rotter To: rotter@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu Subject: mrk >Path: vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!swrinde!news.dell.com!paladin.american.edu!auvm!ARIZVMS.BITNET!ADKINSDC >Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU >Newsgroups: bit.listserv.lis-l >X-Envelope-to: LIS-L@UIUCVMD.BITNET >X-VMS-To: LIS-L >X-VMS-Cc: ADKINSDC >MIME-version: 1.0 >Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT >Message-ID: <01HE4ELC9U0O8ZE6AM@CCIT.ARIZONA.EDU> >Date: Wed, 29 Jun 1994 17:12:08 -0700 >Reply-To: Denice Adkins >Sender: Library and Information Science Student Discussion Group > >From: Denice Adkins >Subject: trek fun (fwd) >Lines: 139 *******************forwarded message***************************** Date: Wed, 29 Jun 1994 17:28:04 -0400 From: Rick Gates Subject: Trek Fun Sender: Library Science Conference Thought y'all might get a kick out of this, from one of my personal listservs... Rick ----------------------------------------------------------------- >Subject: FWD: "Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript >Date: Tuesday, June 28, 94 9:51AM >"Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript. > > "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your >attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have >you been able to access their command pathways?" > >"Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching >through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing >technology." > >screen.> > > "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?" > > "Allow me to explain. We will send this >program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg >command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will >begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate." > > "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they >alter their processing systems to increase their storage >capacity?" > > "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it >creates a new version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use >of resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The >Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of >their processing ability will be taken over and none will be >available for their normal operational functions." > > "Excellent work. This is even better than that >'unsolvable geometric shape' idea." > >.. . . 15 Minutes Later . . . > > "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' >in the command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% >of all resources. We however have not received any confirmation >of the expected 'upgrade'." > > "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg >storage and CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no >indication of an 'upgrade' to compensate for their increase." > > "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if >their is something we have missed." > > "Sir, I believe their is a reason for the failure in the >'upgrade'. Apparently, the Borg have circumvented that part of >the plan by not sending in their registration cards. > > "Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to >begin emergency escape sequence 3F . . ." > > "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU >capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !" > > "Data, what do your scanners show?" > > "Apparently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' >module named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity." > > "Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can >reduce their functionality." > >.. . . Two Hours Pass . . . > > "Geordi what's the status on the Borg?" > > "As expected, the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to >compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time >they successfully increase resources I have set up, our closest >deep space monitor beacon to transmit more 'Windows' modules >from something called the 'Microsoft fun-pack'. > > "How much time will that buy us ?" > > "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an >interest time span of 6 more hours." > > "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector." > > "Identify." > > "It appears to have markings very similar to the >'Microsoft' logo" > > "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE >MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF >UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND >WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS" > > "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and >released thousands of humanoid shaped objects." > > "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft" > > "Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight >toward the Borg ship with no life support suits ! How can they >survive the tortures of deep space ?!" > > "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will >look closer, I believe you will see that they are carrying >something recognized by twenty-first century man as doe skin >leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits" > > "Lawyers !!" > > "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and >sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening." > > "True, but apparently some must have survived." > > "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it >with all types of papers." > > "I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as 'red >tape'. I understand that it often proves fatal." > > "They're tearing the Borg to pieces !" > > "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not >even the Borg deserve that!" >