From navaho@merle.acns.nwu.edu Tue May 16 15:02 CDT 1995 Received: from postoffice.cso.uiuc.edu by sparc0a.cs.uiuc.edu with SMTP id AA12557 (5.67b/IDA-1.5 for ); Tue, 16 May 1995 15:02:30 -0500 Received: (from daemon@localhost) by postoffice.cso.uiuc.edu (8.6.12/8.6.12) id UAA106186; Tue, 16 May 1995 20:02:20 GMT Received: from merle.acns.nwu.edu (navaho@merle.acns.nwu.edu [129.105.16.57]) by postoffice.cso.uiuc.edu (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id PAA128432; Tue, 16 May 1995 15:02:13 -0500 Received: by merle.acns.nwu.edu (1.37.109.16/20.3) id AA037694500; Tue, 16 May 1995 15:01:40 -0500 Return-Path: From: navaho@merle.acns.nwu.edu X-Ph: V4.4@postoffice.cso.uiuc.edu Message-Id: <199505162001.AA037694500@merle.acns.nwu.edu> Subject: Microsoft aquires Microsoft Acquires (fwd) To: deluded@mit.edu (Ronald David Schmelzer), dsjelen@students.wisc.edu (Dov S. Jelen), ds-cohen@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu (Deborah Shoshana Cohen), r-mcghee@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu (Ryan McGhee), roth@uiuc.edu (Mark Roth), mbblum@uiuc.edu (Michael Blumenthal), dan@overbyte.mit.edu (Daniel Pomerantz), u59965@UICVM.CC.UIC.EDU (Richard X. Martinoff), u46353@UICVM.CC.UIC.EDU (Michelle M. Yaffee), u20846@UICVM.CC.UIC.EDU (Ariella Fay Rosenberg), u28537@UICVM.CC.UIC.EDU (Reva Robeson), u27902@UICVM.CC.UIC.EDU (Robert Yaffee), ysoloff@mail.sas.upenn.edu (Yedida Leah Soloff), altman29@wharton.upenn.edu (Steve Altman), mwilson@merle.acns.nwu.edu (Matthew James Wilson), chadford@eecs.nwu.edu (Charad Sheerajin), wn9s@nwu.edu (Albert Ethan Schmelzer), emery@merle.acns.nwu.edu (Emery Chang), antman@merle.acns.nwu.edu (Adam Gibbons), mlb256@lulu.acns.nwu.edu (Maria Belyayeva), tgordon@husc.harvard.edu (Tamar Gordon), klynn@ripco.com (Kate Hugart), baltman@orion.it.luc.edu (Brian Altman), jhm1685@is.NYU.EDU (Jacob H. Mendelsohn), alivschi@midway.uchicago.edu (Ann Livschiz), IZZY4PK@MVS.OAC.UCLA.EDU (Pooja Gupta) Date: Tue, 16 May 1995 15:01:40 -0500 (CDT) Reply-To: navaho@nwu.edu (Nava Cohen) X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.4 PL24alpha3] Content-Type: text Content-Length: 3031 Status: RO Forwarded message: From navaho@merle.acns.nwu.edu Tue May 16 14:46 CDT 1995 Date: Tue, 16 May 1995 14:46:51 -0500 From: navaho@merle.acns.nwu.edu Message-Id: <199505161946.AA001173611@merle.acns.nwu.edu> To: navaho@merle.acns.nwu.edu Subject: Microsoft aquires Microsoft Acquires Reply-To: navaho@nwu.edu (Nava Cohen) >Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny >Subject: Microsoft aquires Microsoft Acquires >From: goodman@das.harvard.edu (Joshua Goodman) >Keywords: topical, chuckle, computer, usenet >Approved: funny@clarinet.com >Path: news.acns.nwu.edu!newsfeed.acns.nwu.edu!math.ohio-state.edu!cs.utexas.edu!news.sprintlink.net!hookup!noc.tor.hookup.net!metrics.com!news.maplesoft.on.ca!dogmead!looking!funny-request >Message-ID: >Date: Tue, 16 May 95 4:30:04 EDT >Lines: 40 Microsoft aquires Microsoft Acquires by Joshua Goodman REDMOND WASHINGTON (AP) -- MICROSOFT announced that it, like thousand of computer users everywhere, was tired of spoofs of Microsoft Acquires. Users of the internet have been bombarded in recent months by spoof announcements of "Microsoft Acquires." Recent announcements have included Microsoft acquiring Christmas, the year 1995, and the Vatican. Therefore, Microsoft spokesmen announced today that they had acquired the rights to all further "Microsoft Acquires" announcements. Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates said, during a brief appearance at the announcement, "Everytime someone puts one of those d_mned 'Microsoft Announces' spoofs on the net, 300 people forward it to me. This should put a stop to that. And really, they're not that funny. They're just not." Industry analysts had mixed reviews. One analyst Martin Sierpinsky, believed that the effect of this latest announcement would be minimal. "Spoof writers will simply switch to another topic, such as 'IBM lays off elves' or something." But another industry analyst, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said "This spells the end of competition in humor about Microsoft. Microsoft will now control the entire Microsoft Humor niche. They probably see this as a foothold into the Computer Humor market. I think they will next attempt to acquire exclusive rights to the Hackers Dictionary." David Wiborg said "I don't think it's that significant. I think the 'Microsoft Acquires' thing was just a fad. In fact, a recent Gallop poll of 'Rec.humor.funny' readers ranked 'Microsoft Acquires' jokes above Mouse Balls, but below Iraqi Driver's Ed." Microsoft stock closed up 3/8 of a point yesterday on heavy trading. -- Selected by Brad Templeton. MAIL your joke to funny@clari.net. If you mail to original@clari.net, it makes sure that your joke is tagged as your original work, and thus eligible for the RHF comedy awards. Always attribute the source of a joke, whether it's you, or somebody else. -- Only people capable of loving deeply can experience profound grief; but the very necessity they feel to love serves as an antidote to grief and heals them. from _Childhood_ by Leo Tolstoy