Path: vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!uunet!looking!newsbytes From: newsbytes@clarinet.com (NB-MSP) Newsgroups: clari.nb.pc Subject: Pentium Jokes from the Internet 12/09/94 Keywords: Bureau-MSP, NEWS Date: 9 Dec 94 20:14:13 GMT Message-ID: Approved: cn@clarinet.com Lines: 73 MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA, U.S.A., 1994 DEC 9 (NB) -- Intel's Pentium woes have spawned a batch of new jokes on the Internet and other online systems. A sampling: Q: What is the successor to RU-486 birth control drug? A: The RU-Pentium, it prevents cells from dividing properly. Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 1.99904274017, but that's close enough for non-technical people. Q: What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on Pentiums? A: Warning label. Q: Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586? A: Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got 585.999983605. TOP TEN NEW INTEL SLOGANS FOR THE PENTIUM 9.9999973251 It's a FLAW, Da---T, not a Bug 8.9999163362 It's Close Enough, We Say So 7.9999414610 Nearly 300 Correct Opcodes 6.9999831538 You Don't Need to Know What's Inside 5.9999835137 Redefining the PC--and Mathematics As Well 4.9999999021 We Fixed It, Really 3.9998245917 Division Considered Harmful 2.9991523619 Why Do You Think They Call It *Floating* Point? 1.9999103517 We're Looking for a Few Good Flaws 0.9999999998 The Errata Inside The Top Ten reasons to buy a Pentium machine 10. Your current computer is too accurate 9. You want to get into the Guinness Book of World Records as "owner of most expensive paperweight" 8. Math errors add zest to life 7. You need an alibi for the IRS 6. You want to see what all the fuss is about 5. You've always wondered what it would be like to be a plaintiff 4. The "Intel Inside" logo matches your decor perfectly 3. You no longer have to worry about CPU overheating 2. You got a great deal from JPL 1. It'll probably work (Paul de Groot/19941209)