From navaho@merle.acns.nwu.edu Sat Jun 18 22:13:35 1994 Received: from argus.cso.uiuc.edu by ux4.cso.uiuc.edu with SMTP id AA24007 (5.67b/IDA-1.5 for ); Sat, 18 Jun 1994 22:13:34 -0500 Received: by argus.cso.uiuc.edu id AB26558 (5.67b/IDA-1.5 for roth@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu); Sat, 18 Jun 1994 22:13:34 -0500 Received: from merle.acns.nwu.edu by argus.cso.uiuc.edu with SMTP id AA17593 (5.67b/IDA-1.5 for ); Sat, 18 Jun 1994 22:13:33 -0500 Received: by merle.acns.nwu.edu (1.37.109.8.1.1/16.2) id AA27588; Sat, 18 Jun 1994 22:13:18 -0500 X-Ph: V4.3@argus.cso.uiuc.edu From: navaho@merle.acns.nwu.edu Message-Id: <9406190313.AA27588@merle.acns.nwu.edu> Subject: TOP 20 ENGINEERS' TERMINOLOGIES (fwd) To: deluded@mit.edu (Ronald Schmelzer with an "l"), hemlock@chinet.chinet.com (rachel leah leibovitz), ds-cohen@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu (deborah shoshana cohen), r-mcghee@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu (ryan mcghee), u59965@uicvm.uic.edu (richard martinoff), chinet!bogie@mcs.com (jacob (alias yakov) mendelsohn), delusion@merle.acns.nwu.edu (albert (L-bert?) schmelzer), dpomeran@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu (daniel pomerantz at uiuc), roth@uiuc.edu (mark roth), mbblum@skhp02.monsanto.com (Michael B. Blumenthal) Date: Sat, 18 Jun 94 22:13:17 CDT Reply-To: navaho@nwu.edu (Nava Cohen) X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.3 PL11] Status: RO Forwarded message: >From kovalsky@sys2.ped.pto.ford.com Sat Jun 18 21:57:04 CDT 1994 Article: 3144 of rec.humor.funny Path: news.acns.nwu.edu!math.ohio-state.edu!cs.utexas.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!europa.eng.gtefsd.com!newsxfer.itd.umich.edu!gumby!yale!yale.edu!xlink.net!zib-berlin.de!zrz.TU-Berlin.DE!netmbx.de!Germany.EU.net!EU.net!uunet!looking!funny-request Message-ID: Date: Fri, 17 Jun 94 19:30:05 EDT Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny From: kovalsky@sys2.ped.pto.ford.com (Diagnostics and Self Test Calibration Section) Subject: TOP 20 ENGINEERS' TERMINOLOGIES Keywords: smirk, engineering Approved: funny@clarinet.com Lines: 39 I found this posted at work. We don't REALLY work like this... Top 20 Engineers' Terminologies 1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED - We are still pissing in the wind. 2. EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM - We just hired three kids fresh out of college. 3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION - We know who to blame. 4. MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH - It works OK, but looks very hi-tech. 5. CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED - We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered. 6. PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE - The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch. 7. TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING - We are so surprised that the stupid thing works. 8. THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED - The only person who understood the thing quit. 9. IT IS IN THE PROCESS - It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless. 10. WE WILL LOOK INTO IT - Forget it! We have enough problems for now. 11. PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL - Let's spread the responsibility for the screw up. 12. GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING - We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done. 13. GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION - I can't wait to hear this bull! 14. SEE ME or LET'S DISCUSS - Come into my office, I'm lonely. 15. ALL NEW - Parts not interchangeable with the previous design. 16. RUGGED - Too damn heavy to lift! 17. LIGHTWEIGHT - Lighter than RUGGED. 18. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - One finally worked. 19. ENERGY SAVING - Achieved when the power switch is off. 20. LOW MAINTENANCE - Impossible to fix if broken. -- Selected by Maddi Hausmann Sojourner. MAIL your joke to funny@clarinet.com. Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply. Remember: Always give your jokes a descriptive "Subject:" line. Don't use "joke" or "submission" or "joke submission," please. -- "It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end." Ursula K. LeGuin