From roth@dynamic.isdn.uiuc.edu Mon Oct 27 04:52:18 1997 Return-Path: Received: from dynamic.isdn.uiuc.edu (roth@dynamic.isdn.uiuc.edu [192.17.17.66]) by enterprise.isdn.uiuc.edu (8.8.7/8.8.7) with ESMTP id EAA19940 for ; Mon, 27 Oct 1997 04:52:17 GMT Received: (from roth@localhost) by dynamic.isdn.uiuc.edu (8.8.7/8.8.7) id WAA29847 for roth@enterprise.isdn.uiuc.edu; Sun, 26 Oct 1997 22:52:17 -0600 Received: (from roth@localhost) by dynamic.isdn.uiuc.edu (8.8.7/8.8.7) id WAA29837 for roth@uiuc.edu; Sun, 26 Oct 1997 22:52:11 -0600 Received: from Kitten.mcs.com (Kitten.mcs.com [192.160.127.90]) by dynamic.isdn.uiuc.edu (8.8.7/8.8.7) with ESMTP id WAA29829 for ; Sun, 26 Oct 1997 22:52:07 -0600 Received: from Mercury.mcs.net (ranger@Mercury.mcs.net [192.160.127.80]) by Kitten.mcs.com (8.8.5/8.8.2) with ESMTP id WAA16188; Sun, 26 Oct 1997 22:52:00 -0600 (CST) Received: from localhost (ranger@localhost) by Mercury.mcs.net (8.8.7/8.8.2) with SMTP id WAA13799; Sun, 26 Oct 1997 22:52:00 -0600 (CST) Date: Sun, 26 Oct 1997 22:51:59 -0600 (CST) X-PH: V4.2a@dynamic.isdn.uiuc.edu From: "Hirsch, M.D." To: "Dr. Albert Schmelzer" , "J. Daniel Horowitz" , Noah Blumofe , Master Hacker Mark Subject: Fwd: computer problem report form (fwd) Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Status: O Content-Length: 4848 Lines: 161 Hmmmm..... So good, it might just be real.... :) m. \\/\\\ //\\\ //\\\\ ////\ //\\\ \\/\\\ / Miron Hirsch // // // // // // // //---' // / ranger@mars.mcs.com // \\//\\ // // \\/// //\\\\ // / http://www.mcs.com/~ranger -------------------------//----------------/---------------------------------- "You will pay the \\\// price for your lack of vision!" -Emperor Palpatine ---------- Forwarded message ---------- Date: Sun, 26 Oct 1997 15:10:05 -0600 From: Laeh Litin To: ranger@mcs.com Subject: Fwd: computer problem report form >Forwarded message: >From: hys@worldnet.att.net (Hy Siegel) >Date: 97-09-25 19:50:41 EDT > > >> >>1. Describe your problem >> >> _______________________________________________________ >> >>2. Now, describe the problem accurately: >> >> _______________________________________________________ >>3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem: >> >> _______________________________________________________ >> >> _______________________________________________________ >> >>4. Problem Severity: >> A. Minor __ >> B. Minor __ >> C. Minor __ >> D. Trivial__ >> >>5. Nature of the problem: >> A. Locked Up __ >> B. Frozen __ >> C. Hung __ >> D. Strange Smell__ >> >>6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__ >> >>7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__ >> >>8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__ >> >>9. Have you made it worse? Yes__ >> >>10. Have you had "a friend" who "knows all about computers" try to >> fix it for you? Yes__ No__ >> >>11. Did they make it even worse? Yes__ >> >>12. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__ >> >>13. Are you sure you've read the manual? Maybe__ No__ >> >>14. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No__ >> >>15. If you read the manual, do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__ >> >>16. If 'Yes' then explain why can't you fix the problem yourself: >> >> _______________________________________________________ >> >>17. What were you doing with your computer at the time the >> problem occurred? >> >> _______________________________________________________ >> >>18. If you answered 'nothing' then explain why you were logged in: >> >> _______________________________________________________ >> >>19. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__ >> >>20. Does the clock on your home VCR blink 12:00? >> Yes__ What's a VCR?___ >> >>21. Do you have a copy of 'PCs for Dummies'? Yes__ No___ >> >>22. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem? Yes__ No__ >> >>23. Do you have any electronics products that DO work? Yes__ No__ >> >>24. Is there anyone else you could blame this problem on? Yes__ No__ >> >>25. Have you given the machine a good whack on the top? Yes__ No__ >> >>26. Is the machine on fire? Yes__ Not Yet___ >> >>27. Can you do something else instead of bothering me? Yes__ > >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > >><< Top 17 Programmer Terminologies >> >> 1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED - We are still >> pissing in the wind. >> >> 2. EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO >> THE PROBLEM - We just hired three kids fresh out of college. >> >> 3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION - We know who to blame. >> >> 4. MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH - It works OK, but looks very >> hi-tech. >> >> 5. CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED - We are so far behind >> schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered. >> >> 6. PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE - The darn thing >> blew up when we threw the switch. >> >> 7. TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING - We are so surprised >> that the stupid thing works. >> >> 8. THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED - The only person >> who understood the thing quit. >> >> 9. IT IS IN THE PROCESS - It is so wrapped up in red tape that the >> situation is about hopeless. >> >> 10. WE WILL LOOK INTO IT - Forget it! We have enough problems for now. >> >> 11. PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL - Let's spread the responsibility for the >> screw up. >> >> 12. GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING - We'll listen to what you >> have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've >> already done. >> >> 13. GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION - I can't wait to hear this bull! >> >> 14. SEE ME or LET'S DISCUSS - Come into my office, I'm lonely. >> >> 15. ALL NEW - Code not interchangeable with the previous design. >> >> 16. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - It finally worked! >> >> 17. LOW MAINTENANCE - Impossible to fix if broken. > > >Hy Siegel >Fort Worth, Texas >hys@worldnet.att.net > > > =+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+ - UIC Hockey: 1980-1996. RIP. Thanks Jimmy Collins...